


Eudice Eusyram III: Attack of the Death Eaters!

by I_Smell_Rates



Series: Eudice Eusyram [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Mary Sue, Multi, Parody, Written Pre-Half Blood Prince
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-05-03
Updated: 2005-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:21:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26429305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_Smell_Rates/pseuds/I_Smell_Rates
Summary: It's Lord Voldemort, the Dark Lord of the Death Eaters, versus Professor Eudice Eusyram, the sultana of Suedom! Take a wild guess who will win.Originally posted on FictionAlley in 2005.
Relationships: Britney Spears/Voldemort, Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy/Original Female Character(s), Harry Potter/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Eudice Eusyram [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1922371





	Eudice Eusyram III: Attack of the Death Eaters!

"It has come my attention, Wormtail, that Eudice Eusyram is about," said Lord Voldemort, who was evil. "She's an incredibly gorgeous American woman and a genius when it comes it everything. She also happens to be part veela, an Animagus and a Metamorphmagus. Since her Animagi form is that of a Kelpie, it means she can turn into almost anything. She was also Remus Lupin's girlfriend when they were at Hogwarts and wrote the Marauder's Map, but let Lupin and his friends take credit for it because she's so generous and humble."

"Yes, sir," answered Wormtail, who was also evil. "How will we stop her?"

"We will take over Hogwarts and kill everybody," Voldemort explained. "I know I'll win because I'm the bad guy and I have to be overconfident."

  


"Harry, oh, Harry," Eurydice Eusyram-Potter said as Harry had sex with her. Harry felt a little guilty about marrying Eurydice, since he was technically her father, but Eurydice didn't mind because she was perfect.

Suddenly, Ginny walked in with Hermione. They weren't surprised because Harry and Eurydice had had sex every day of their marriage so far.

"Hi, Harry," said Ginny. "Eudice needs you for something."

Harry got up and went into Eudice's office, where he saw Wormtail.

"What's he doing here?" Harry asked in surprise.

"He showed up in the night," explained Eudice. "He says he's turned to the good side, but I don't believe him."

"I'll show you proof," said Wormtail. "Just let me show you to the staff room."

Eudice agreed even though she knew it was a trap. She had already formed a plan because she was a genius when it came it everything. She took Draco Malfoy with her, because she knew he was the only one who could pass as a double agent.

"Since I'm such an unimportant guy, Voldemort doesn't care about what I do much," Wormtail explained as he led them to the staff room.

"So you're part of the Order, then?" Eudice asked.

"No, not actually," Wormtail answered. "My spy operation is small enough not to be noticed, which is advantageous for everyone since I hate drawing attention to myself."

"Aren't you afraid Voldemort is going to find out about this little operation and shut it down?" Draco asked.

"It's always been a danger that looms like a shadow over everything I've done," said Wormtail, "But things have developed to insure security -- I've just made a deal to keep the Death Eaters off my back forever!"

Wormtail opened the door to the staff room, where there were a whole bunch of Death Eaters!

"We would be honored if you would join us," said Bellatrix Lestrange, who was evil!

"I had no choice--they arrived right before you did," Wormtail lied. "I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry, too," said Eudice. Meanwhile, Draco spotted his father, Lucius Malfoy, who was also evil!

"What are you doing?" Draco asked him.

"We're taking over Hogwarts!" Lucius Malfoy said happily.

"Surely you can't do that!" Draco said in shock.

"We _are_ ," Lucius Malfoy told him, "And don't call me 'Shirley.'"

"After Eudice Eusyram's been so perfect and all the Gryffindors have been my friends, how can you think they're all bad?" Draco asked his father desperately.

"Because I'm an old guard villain and I never trust the good guys," Lucius answered. "You just don't understand because you're young and a star-crossed lover like in _Romeo and Juliet_."

The Death Eaters took off all Eudice's clothes, because they wanted to see her naked, and locked Draco and her in the wardrobe, before going on to take over Hogwarts! While they were gone, Eudice and Draco decided to have sex with each other.

  


Meanwhile, Voldemort was trying to find Harry Potter. Voldemort wanted to find Harry, so he could kill him because he was evil. Suddenly, Dobby the house-elf ran into the corridor.

"Dobby?" Voldemort said in shock.

"Lord Voldemort," Dobby replied.

"You have interfered with my affairs for the last time," Voldemort said. With that, he sent a chandelier flying at Dobby, but the house-elf pushed it aside with his magical powers. Voldemort tried another chandelier, but Dobby did the same. Voldemort then hit the ceiling with a spell, causing it come crashing down, but Dobby stopped it before it smashed him.

"You have become powerful, Voldemort," Dobby said. "I sense the Dark Side in you."

"I have become more powerful than anyone," Voldemort replied. "Even you!"

Voldemort tried to hit Dobby with the Cruciatus Curse, but the house-elf deflected it back on him. Voldemort dodged it and it hit Snape, who happened to be walking down the hallway.

"You still have much to learn," Dobby told Voldemort.

"It is obvious that this contest cannot be decided by our magical powers," Voldemort answered, "But by our skills with big poles."

Voldemort and Dobby both took spears and fought each other them. Eventually, Voldemort corned Dobby against the wall.

"You have fought well, you old geezer," Dobby told him.

"This is just the beginning!" Voldemort replied. With that, he sent a suit of armor over. It fell on top of Dobby and smashed him to death! Voldemort cackled insanely because he was evil. Harry and Eurydice were admiring the sunset in the Astronomy Tower, when Voldemort found them. Harry and Voldemort fought with each other, climbing across the roofs of the castle, while Eurydice decided to go to the bathroom. Voldemort eventually corned Harry at the end of the roof.

"You are beaten," Voldemort said. "It is useless to resist--don't let yourself be destroyed as Dobby did."

Harry made one final assault on Voldemort, but Voldemort chopped his right hand off in one swipe. Harry clung desperately to the edge of the roof with his left hand so he wouldn't fall and kill himself.

"There is no escape," Voldemort told him. "Don't make me destroy you. Harry, you do not yet realize your importance--you have only _begun_ to discover your power. Join me and I will complete your training. With our combined strength, we will get rid of the stupid Ministry and restore purity to the wizarding race!"

"I'll never join you!" Harry yelled.

"If you only knew the power of the Dark Side," Voldemort told him. "Hagrid never told you what happened to your father."

"He told me enough!" Harry shouted back. "He told me you killed him!"

"No, _I_ am your father," Voldemort said. Harry was so she shocked, he nearly fell off his perch, which would not have been good, because it would have killed him.

"No," Harry said. "That's not true. That's impossible!"

"Search your feelings, Harry," Voldemort told him, "You _know_ this to be true."

"No!" Harry yelled. "No!"

"Harry, you can destroy the Minister," Voldemort told him. "He has foreseen this. It is your destiny. Join me and together we can rule the world as father and son!"

Harry looked down off the roof.

"Come with me," Voldemort told him, "It is the only way."

Harry let go and he fell off the roof and plunged towards the ground. However, Eudice, in the form of a hippogriff, flew out to rescue him. She had Draco on her and Harry landed on top of him. Harry and Draco instantly realized they were meant for each other and fell madly in love. Eudice landed and turned back into her human form as Harry and Draco had sex with each other.

Suddenly, Voldemort jumped down from the roof and landed right in front of Eudice, who still didn't have any clothes on. The whole school was watching them and Eudice was shamelessly displaying her naked body because she was perfect. Voldemort had clothes on because he was evil (not to mention very ugly.)

"You have met your match," Voldemort said, pointing his wand and trying not to get distracted by Edict's incredibly gorgeous body. "Prepare to be--"

Voldemort never finished that sentence, because Eudice jumped on him and in five seconds she had beaten him up so much he couldn't move. She stood over him with her legs spread out so everyone could see her intimate parts. Voldemort was so hurt he started to cry and begged for mercy.

"On one condition only," Eudice told him. "You drink a quart of Phreneticus Potion."

Voldemort did so and suddenly his secret feeling for Brittany Spears were overwhelming. Colin Creevey snapped a few pictures while Voldemort and Brittany had sex and posted them around the castle. When Voldemort returned to his normal state, he was so embarrassed and humiliated that he moved to Mexico. Eudice took over as Minister of Magic because she was perfect and Cornelius Fudge retired. Everyone lived happily ever after except Voldemort, who was now living in Mexico, and Wormtail, who turned back into a rat and became Pansy Parkinson's pet.

"I don't think I could go back!" Ron said happily.


End file.
